Witty fb status

Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper right corner of your Witty fb status page. The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Want to delight your social media friends? Borrow from this list of funny quotes and sayings for Facebook status, and enjoy some great laughs yourself! Yes, you can use these for Instagram posts and stories too. Social media platforms reward engagement with engagement. There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.

Witty fb status

You think I'm not online. But I'm always here. Even if I'm not posting. I'm here. Calling someone without texting first is the new showing up unannounced. The only thing I gained from was weight. I have a defective iphone 5, I keep pressing the home button and I'm still at work. Facebook is a place where people always think your status is about them. Those times when you say something stupid and think, 'Yeah, that sounded way better in my head. Women continue to hate their bodies! That awkward moment when you write your password in the username space. I like my women like I like my weekend - short, filled with liquor and gone by Monday.

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. I'm gonna stand outside.

Submit a Status Message. Sort: Recent Oldest Rating. Search Messages:. Most Recent. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost.

For all the Facebook users out there, we present the ultimate collection of Funny Facebook Status and captions. You can even use them as funny captions for your selfies and profile pictures. Also you will find some of the best and most humorous quotes, offering fresh and entertaining status ideas to elevate your Facebook profile. I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you. In modern politics, even the leader of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan. Delete me, Poke me, Like me, Limit me … The choice is yours … Welcome to Facebook, where no one is really your friend. Facebook is kind of like a prison.

Witty fb status

In this blog post, we will be sharing over funny Facebook status ideas and messages. So sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the funniest Facebook statuses out there! We all need to take a break from our stressful lives and laugh once in a while. So, we thought why not make this easy for you? Here are some of the best Facebook status quotes that will have everyone laughing their heads off! When deciding on the best caption for your Facebook message, you should utilize your mood and make an excellent feeling. Think about what mood or feeling is most appropriate when deciding on this crucial part of writing! Do you know that laughter is the best medicine? Laughter has been shown to improve your mood, increase your lifespan, and even boost your immune system.

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The only thing I gained from was weight. A fun way to encourage creativity and build self-esteem. I understand that you will use my information to send me a newsletter. You might also enjoy How to Get Facebook Shares that go viral! Giving friends a good laugh is the best way to keep your Facebook profile active! I was complimented on my driving today. Indeed, you keep hope alive. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. Top 10 lists of good pranks to play on friends and family in every category. There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. Who is Pete and why is it for his sake? The first five days after the weekend are tough.

Discover 45 hilarious Facebook status ideas for maximum laughs with these tips and tricks. Keep your friends entertained and engaged with these witty and funny status updates.

I have a busy day ahead: I have trouble to start, rumors to spread, and people to argue with. The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have now started asking humans to prove they are not a robot. I believe there should be a better way to start each day… Instead of waking up every morning. The tooth fairy teach us to sell our body parts for money. But send a man to the store to get 5 items; he will come home with 4. Looking for your kids? Hilarious Facebook Updates Go crazy, go normal. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. You love animals, but you eat them. Click here to add your own comments Join in and write your own page like this!